Confession #1: My Secret Shame - Movies I've Missed

As I've fallen in love with film over the past few years, I've found my theatrical viewing history increasingly the subject of scrutiny and a source of controversy by the proverbial workplace water cooler. When you have the misfortune of being the designated "movie guy" in a circle, there's an apparent expectation that you've seen most of everyone else's favorite movies, which can make things awkward when an obvious reference goes sailing over your head. As an example, a coworker chastised me daily for nearly two years after learning I hadn't seen "Office Space" (I still haven't!).

For reasons I can't fully explain, I just didn't watch a lot of movies until a few years ago, so there's a lot I've missed. In fact, I started this blog to chronicle my "continuing watch every movie," a tagline which implies there's a lot I haven't seen. Even so, I admit that my big-screen transgressions are particularly egregious. I dread the question "have you seen...?" The answer is inevitably no, leading to a lengthy sermon on how serious my sin is and how and when to make amends.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem: I have many. And so, gentle reader, I present to you before the eyes of God and Man my first film confession: the thirteen movies I'm most embarrassed to admit having missed, presented in no particular order. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...


The Godfather
Not really the father I had in mind, but beggars can't be choosers. I've never seen any of the films in this Oscar-winning franchise, but that doesn't stop me from referencing them on a regular basis! I wonder which is the greater sin: missing this or pretending I didn't?


The Breakfast Club
I assume this is a movie about students who learn to respect their differences by discussing their very different morning meal choices. At the end, they share some bacon that is so delicious one kid fist pumps.


This is a symbolic entry that represents the total void that is my horror movie education. Other contenders for this list: Hitchcock's "Psycho" and "The Exorcist." If it's spooky, it was probably 2spooky4me until very recently.


Saving Private Ryan
It's Spielberg, so I'm sure nothing bad happens to anyone in this feel-good flick about a group of plucky soldiers in World War 2. I'm thinking M.A.S.H. but in France. But seriously, when this came out teenage-me was turned off by the hyper-realistic gore that seemed at the time to be its most popular characteristic. It went on to win a ton of awards, but I've never gotten around to revisiting that initial impression.


The NeverEnding Story
I'm not afraid of commitment, but I've never heard anyone describe an enjoyable experience as "never-ending."


Terminator 2: Judgement Day
One of two James Cameron action flicks I could have included (the other being "Aliens"), this is supposed to be one of the greatest action movies of all time. I wouldn't know!


The Shawshank Redemption
I know nothing about this movie, so based on this picture: A little league coach goes to jail after trying to bribe county officials to benefit his team. He befriends the warden and leads the prison softball team, the Shawshanks, to victory.


My wife loves "Clueless," but every time it's on I walk in when some girl is trying to hook up with her step-brother. Maybe it's an indie/art-house film that I just don't get.


Die Hard
Dissertations can be written over whether this is a great Christmas movie or just a great action movie. Those papers will not be written by me. Yippee ki wha..?


After a local boxing champion murders his girlfriend, Rocky punches his way through the ranks in match after match, seeking revenge. After each bout, fueled by bloodlust, he screams her name: "ADRIAN!"

Pulp Fiction
Really, most of Tarantino's films could have gone here. The only ones I've seen are "Kill Bill" and "The Hateful Eight." See those guns? They're pointing at me, and for this, I deserve it.


This might be the original movie people gave me hell for missing. In grade school, this was almost every guy's favorite movie. The idea that anyone hadn't seen it was completely foreign. Well, they may have taken my lunch money, but they never took my freedoooom (to continue not seeing this movie).


Forrest Gump
That's right, I've never seen Forrest run or heard his chocolates-themed philosophy on life.

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So there you have it, the thirteen most shameful films absent from my movie-watching resumé, bringing this confession to a close. But are you blameless? What movies are you shamed for missing? Confess and seek absolution in the comments below!

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